It's A Phone! Just An Honest To Goodness Phone!

Do you remember a time when you could leave your house for a walk in the park and the world wouldn't try to pursue you to the ends of madness there?  Are you too young to remember that time, but wish you could find a way to go back.  I have a solution.  IT'S A PHONE!  IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING BUT FUNCTION AS A PHONE!  Of course you'll need a "LAN line" from the phone company, an actual cable wired to your house from the street, to call anyone with it.  Or maybe you don't!  You can just put it on a side table and amuse yourself watching people wondering what it is.  Maybe you can just gaze over at it once in awhile and contemplate a quieter time when we didn't know how lucky we were.  Maybe a phone that's just a phone isn't just a phone, after all?